And here we can see our best selling author, Snookie, hard at work!
::Insert eye-rolling, grumblings, nausea, and a little bit of wondering what the hell is wrong with this world::
Yesterday … The Kindleboards were down … we’re talking 16.5 hours of silence on the home front. In between doing some beta reading and review reading (of two fabulous forthcoming releases, by the way, … yea for sneak peaks!) I started mulling around the internet for bookish news I could eventually spin into a blog.
Than I found it, and I almost died … Nicole “Snookie” Polizzi … is … a … best … selling … author … ranked … on … the … New … York … Times … Holy Grail … List. And, apparently, this is ‘old’ news. Well people, this is ‘new’ news to me … and I’m just not having it.
Before I launch into a total tailspin and mock the world of publishing at large, let me share with you some choice quotes from our “New York Times” best selling author:
*Word of the day: sympathetic. That’s a big word. (Really, NYT best selling author … sympathetic is a “big word”?)
*I’m not sure what lobsters eat, but I think they eat like insects or something… so I was gonna feed them worms. (Good God, lady)
*[Vinny]’s like my big brother, I love him … but usually you don’t have sex with your big brother. (No, Snookie, you shouldn’t ever have sex with your big brother … and if he just feels like a big brother, you probably shouldn’t have sex with him either. That’s good advice, girl … you can take it to the bank.)
*I wanna go on a boat, an island.. filled with gorillas. (High aspirations, I see … way to dream big girl, way to dream)
Oh, sweet Jesus.
I’ve watched The Jersey Shore … I own the fact that I do like trashy reality television and the train wrecks that join up, ironically, I view it as a break in reality — because no one really acts like that … right? But, they do, and that’s the hook … kind of like animal’s in a zoo … you watch them from behind glass, because it’s safe there … and you laugh because sometimes they do cutely hysterical things. But that’s where they belong, along with their antics … safely away from the public at large.
Snookie’s book, A SHORE THING, topped out as a NYT best seller. It’s a bubble-gum book, totally YA, a beach read that will probably have zero impact on your life:
It’s a summer to remember . . . at the Jersey Shore.
Giovanna “Gia” Spumanti and her cousin Isabella “Bella” Rizzoli are going to have the sexiest summer ever. While they couldn’t be more different—pint-size Gia is a carefree, outspoken party girl and Bella is a tall, slender athlete who always holds her tongue—for the next month they’re ready to pouf up their hair, put on their stilettos, and soak up all that Seaside Heights, New Jersey, has to offer: hot guidos, cool clubs, fried Oreos, and lots of tequila.
So far, Gia’s summer is on fire. Between nearly burning down their rented bungalow, inventing the popular “tan-tags” at the Tantastic Salon where she works, and rescuing a shark on the beach, she becomes a local celebrity overnight. Luckily, she meets the perfect guy to help her keep the flames under control. Firefighter Frank Rossi is exactly her type: big, tan, and Italian. But is he tough enough to handle Gia when things really heat up?
Bella is more than ready for some fun in the sun. Finally free of her bonehead ex-boyfriend, she left home in Brooklyn with one goal in mind: hooking up with a sexy gorilla for a no-strings-attached summer fling. In no time, she lands a job leading “Beat Up the Beat” dance classes at a local gym, and is scooped up by Beemer-driving, preppy Bender Newberry. Only problem: Bella can’t get her romantic and ripped boss Tony “Trouble” Troublino out of her head. He’s relationship material. Suddenly, Bella’s not sure what she wants.
The cousins soon realize that for every friend they make on the boardwalk, there are also rivals, slummers, and frenemies who will do anything to ruin their summer—and try their relationship. Before July ends, the bonds of family and friendship will be stretched to the breaking point. Will the haters prevail, or will Gia and Bella find love at the Shore?
For everyone who loves MTV’s hit reality show, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s sweet, funny, and sexy novel perfectly captures the heat, the energy, the fun, andthe drama of Jersey Shore.
So, our lead Gia Spumanti (or as I affectionately call her — Vanilla, Chocolate, Pistachio) and Bella Rizzoli are essentially fluff … slutty, tanned, men-chasing fluff. Nice, Simon & Schuster … way to shoot for the stars … way to save yourself with literary integrity.
It’s not Snookie’s wild success with A SHORE THING that kills me … I can find value in all sorts of books, and appreciate their shelf value through the eyes of their individual demographics. What kills me is this:
I remember the Golden Age of books. For me, I was a senior in high school taking a self-guided reading class. For an entire semester, we’d go into class with a journal and a book of our choosing, we’d sit at our tiny desks for the expanse of fifty minutes and read. I have always been a fast reader, and gravitated towards thick, heavy, very wordy books … I made it my goal to read every book on Oprah’s list that semester. And, I did. It was there that my eyes really opened up towards the genre of Literary Fiction. I was captivated by these stories of all different values — some heartbreaking, others hopeful … but I fell in love with reading in a different way in that class as I was asked to navigate a book and lean on my own interpretations. It’s a love affair that has continued on since.
It was in that class I discovered Tawni O’Dell and her book BACK ROADS. It was dark, disturbing, and exceptionally graphic … and I ate it up with a spoon. I swallowed her words and invested myself in story and have been a huge fan of her writing ever since. That’s the book I relished when I was “of age” to be consuming YA.
Now … in that class, with the teacher I loved so much for her nurturing the written word and her value of the English language, I can image a girl walking in with a copy of A SHORE THING and it makes me feel sort of sick. Is that what coming generations are going to see as a good, worthy book?
I get it, kind of, that publishers are aching. Gone are the big advances given to new writers … they want, ironically enough, the sure (shore) thing. They know the massive fan power behind Snookie, and many of her NYTBSing counterparts. Popularity, in their mind, will flow-chart down into sales numbers. It has become less about the merit of a book and more about the reputation of it’s writer (though, I’d imagine many are Ghosted).
When people talk about the slaughtering of Traditional Publishing aka The Big Six, they think it will be because of the Indie Revolution taking root and then blooming. I disagree with that stance, always have.
If we were talking strictly Big Six vs. Indie and the battle to the death, I’d say … whoa, wait, there is room of everyone. If one dies, we all die. Keeping everyone in play is in the best interest of books in general and at large. The readers will be the ones who will suffer if one goes under.
But, I think the momentum of the Indie Revolution has less to do with the popular “us vs. them” mentality and more to do with what is in the market place.
If the Big Six are publishing books like A SHORE THING, then they will polarize an entire nest of readers who don’t find that sort of novel remotely valuable. Those readers will make the decision NOT to spend $16.00 on a copy. They’ll find a book they would prefer … or several books … from independent authors for a fraction of the price. And that will be the ultimate undoing the traditional publishing, in my opinion. It will ultimately boil down to a lack of viable, salable books which will be rooted in the fear of failure on the part of the Big Six.
Snookie is not to blame for this. She’s just part of the bigger machine. My guess would be that the publishers approached her … rather than the traditional, other way around. My guess is that they offered her a Ghost and an advance and all she had to do was agree to sign her name on the dotted line — I find it hard to believe a writer, of anything, would consider sympathetic a big word. And for that … I’m sympathetic towards her, because she has caught the brunt of people feeling outraged and disgusted — myself included.
I guess the moral of the story is this …
If you want a deal with the Big Six: Get a reality show, act like a complete asshole on camera, and then wait for the offers to roll in.