I have writers block … and it’s bad, like really, really bad.
I have the idea for book two fleshed out … it’s titled and outlined and plotted down to the very end … and still, I cannot write it. I can’t figure out how to put these characters into their lives and how or why they’d be where they are. Well … that’s not exactly true … I do know the why and the how … it’s the elaborating that I simply fail at.
It’s absolutely the most frustrating thing in the whole world … I could literally rip my hair out at the root, bash my head against the wall, quit and just walk away. Oh, I’ve tried to get past this mental road block. I think — counting today — I’ve started this story eight times over the last three months. I have started from various points of view, places in the story, points in time. I’ve closed the computer and walked away … I’ve forced myself to sit in front of it for hours watching the annoying optimistic cursor flashing. I’ve tried reading … tried watching movies … tried thinking about one hundred other things hoping that along the way the small fire of brilliance would kindle itself to self. Yet … here I sit with a few thousand useless words.
Truthfully, I’ve got nothing … nada … zilch.
Now I get it, the reason why authors squeal over sequels … because they just know everything there is to know, the map is draw, the characters are flesh and bone, the conflict is primed and ready for paint. New books … they give you nothing.
I was lucky the first time around. I came home with a story … and I wrote it so quickly. I lucked out big time.
My greatest fear is being a “one-hit-wonder” — and I’m not even saying book one will be a hit, just that, in this moment, I fear that’s the only solid story in me. There is no longevity in doing something once. Its the time and time again that gives a person fulfillment.
Recently I read an article about that girl from Hairspray (the movie) … Nicky Blonsky. You may remember her story. She was working at Coldstone Creamery … the ice cream store … when she was discovered. Thrust into the world of Hollywood, she starred opposite John Trivolta, Michelle Pfeiffer, Amanda Bynes, and Zac Effron. She was a big deal for a hot minute. Now … she works at a hair salon … doing makeup. Take it from me … that is not glamorous work. She’s talented … she can sing, she dance … but she could never recapture the fire of her Hairspray … she couldn’t turn it into a career.
She tried, sure. Some ABC Family network show and a few other little gigs on Lifetime, but nothing stuck … and now, she’s just another MUA working the counter in a small town salon. And I’m not saying that isn’t honest work … because it is, believe me, I know … but it’s not what she wanted, and I’m sure it’s nothing she ever saw coming.
Writing is hard work … it’s frustrating work. I am at a place where I realize I may need to give up the ghost … walk away from my idea and my work and either breathe for a while or start something new — what that would be, I don’t know — but this is not a good thing.